This year is the first time Kyle Deterding has officially coached his daughter.
But the new girls basketball assistant coach has been Brynn Deterding’s basketball mentor for years.
Whether it was being asked to join her for outings to go practice or talking strategy at home, the father and daughter have long been bonded by basketball. Now that bond is taking a more official turn, as he joins the coaching staff while she enters her second year with the Cardinals.
For many athletes, their parents introduced them to sports early in life. The Deterding duo are one of many families where a parent also coached their own children.
It’s a dynamic that can be complicated to juggle, but also filled with some of sports’ most rewarding moments.
‘A special experience’
Families said getting to play sports with a member of your family isn’t about winning titles and breaking records. It’s a chance to spend time together that they otherwise wouldn’t get.
Gretchen Schreiner coached two of her kids in basketball, Harper and Sawyer. She said getting to spend so much time around them was the best part.
“We were together every single day after school for two to three hours,” she said. “And then being able to see them as a student, as an athlete, rather than just my kid. And how, you know, they got along with their friends, how they got along with other adults, all of that.”
Sawyer Schreiner recalled when the trio traveled together to the state tournament with the Cardinals team. She said it was special to get to share that key moment as a family.
“I think it was rewarding for her to see her girls succeed in something she’s so passionate about,” she said. “And it just made me proud of myself to see my mom get to see both me and my sister succeed in a hobby that we both enjoy.”
Harper Schreiner recalled that as a key memory, too.
“We just had a phenomenal team surrounded by great people,” she said. “And to be able to accomplish big things with great people just makes it all so much better.”
Harper Schreiner said it was hard having her mom as her coach when she was young. But as she got older, she grew to appreciate the time as a family. Her mom originally got her into basketball, and she still remembers the hoop in their living room that she used to annoy her mom with by playing on all the time.
This year, when she traveled with her college team to Spain, her mom came to watch her play. She described her mom as her No. 1 supporter.
“It was just such a special experience, especially with my sister getting to play basketball with me. It was just a one-of-a-kind connection that the girls in my family can share through our love of basketball,” she said.
Kyle Deterding stepped away as head coach of the boys basketball team last year, citing a desire to spend more time with his children. Now, he’s found a way to keep the best of both worlds: coaching a team with his daughter.
“It’s another opportunity to be around them,” he said. “When you’re coaching, you miss out on a lot of stuff, so there’s kind of a bonus of getting to be around them a little bit more.”
When he coached the boys team, his young daughter could be spotted participating at the camps and playing with the older boys.
“It’s kind of a fun thing to do, just kind of a bonding moment where you can do something that they enjoy, but you enjoy watching them try to get better and try to compete,” he said.
Sharing a love of basketball has helped the two grow closer, but it’s also allowed a space for their already-strong connection to flourish.
“Knowing that I can always count on him to come support me and shoot with me, or just come do anything with me, shows I think we have a really good connection,” Brynn Deterding said.
Darren Erpelding said he has loved getting to coach at Eudora and build soccer programs that his children eventually played in.
This year, his son Beckham Erpelding helped the boys soccer team claim its first league title. He said his dad helped him grow his passion for soccer.
“He does a lot more things, like, outside of soccer than I do,” Beckham Erpelding said. “Like, he watches it, he studies it, stuff like that. Sometimes he’ll tell me about it, so I’d say he grows my passion in that way.”
A balancing act
Sharing a team with members of your family also can be tough.
For parents, it can be hard to navigate when you’re a coach and when you’re a parent, and how to balance both responsibilities. And for players, having a parent as a coach often means high standards and pressure to perform well.
Darren Erpelding said he’s still learning as he coaches his third child how to best balance being the best coach and father at the same time.
“Anytime it comes to soccer, it’s really hard for me to turn it off,” he said. “And even the girls have said, ‘Would you just be Dad?’”
He said he was always driven by wanting his kids to succeed wherever they were. But through the years, he’s learned when he needs to be a coach and when to be a dad.
He said his kids have been around soccer their whole lives, and getting to share his love for the game with them has been a joy, even if it means more shared emotions after tough losses.
“Back then, if something didn’t go good, you know, they’d come up and give me a hug and tell me it’s okay. If they were playing for me in the program, they didn’t do that because they were feeling just as much,” he said.
During the 2021 girls soccer season, Darren Erpelding’s younger daughter Jayla and older daughter Kate were both on the team as a freshman and senior.
Although the sisters butted heads at times, sharing the field with three family members was a special moment.
“There could be interesting practices, that’s for dang sure,” Darren Erpelding said. “But it was fun to coach them because they played off each other really, really well.”
Kate Erpelding still remembers the moment they fell just short after a successful season. The loss was made harder because she felt the pain of her sister and dad as well. It taught her a lot about their family and the bond they all shared through soccer.
“When you are surrounded by people that you love and you don’t win a game that was so important to all three of you, it really hurts,” Kate Erpelding said. “But at the end of the day, obviously they all love you and it’s okay, and you move on. And now we’re here in the future. Both of us are playing in college, and my dad’s coaching, and he’s still having a great time doing it, and he’s changing kids’ lives. That’s all you can ask from a dad and a coach.”
Kyle Deterding said he is harder on his children than on other players, holding them to the highest standard, not in skill but in work ethic.
Brynn Deterding said there can be pressure in having a parent as a coach. But she appreciates that it’s a unique relationship many people don’t get to experience.
“I’m very grateful for having my dad by my side all the way,” she said. “I think it’s just something that will help me and have him have a big impact on me and my high school career. I think that’s something that’s really cool.”
Reach reporter Cuyler Dunn at [email protected]
